I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She's JV to your varsity
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
