guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
