I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
