yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
