I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
