Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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