he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
