so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
