Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
