Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
