I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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