i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
