My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
