Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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