i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
