I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
