Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
