I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
