VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
