I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
