It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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