Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
