You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
