A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
