you would pick up someone in the library
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
