I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
