if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
