I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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