Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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