this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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