So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
