She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
