Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
