He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
