I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
