We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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