Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
