I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
