I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
