So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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