she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
