We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
