I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
