I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
