Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
