Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
