I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
