im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
