I hope mine doesn't look like that
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
