I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
